You know the rules, he said to me. I did, and I wasn’t even dreading it. He normally grabbed a few pieces of paper towels (the ones usually found in corporate bathrooms) from a dingy paint-stained sink, and I followed him.” I think the neighbors are moving,” he whispered, looking at the bins as we digressed down the stairs of a cement-walled passageway. Slowly and quietly, we crept down the rickety stairs leading to the basement where the answer to my question laid. Talk about mind fuck, it was an unfinished basement that felt industrial and mysterious all at once! I didn’t know whether to run or be curious and do as I was told. Though, I was beginning to think this was his four play, and I wanted more. I could smell the water damage, and the dim lighting that made the situation so much more real. There it is, he said. I looked at it and inched toward it as comfortable as I could possibly be, unbuttoning my pants, not breathing as I sat my ass on the very normal toilet seat. He stepped away for a second, I guess just to make it as nonchalant as possible, even though he wanted to see the show. He didn’t even watch me-at first. So I teased “aren’t you going to watch,” when I was almost done with my business. That point when the dripping sound slowly faded out. He turned back with his head first, and when I was just standing up… he got the view he probably always wanted. “You have a beautiful vagina.” It was the perfect backdrop to view something so personal, so intimate and yet I was vulnerable and he knew it. “You know you have a beautiful vagina?” He repeated, as a matter- of-factly-as he knew it was. How does one respond to this compliment? Yea! I mean, I study them all the time! Thanks, I said smirking. Well, I said, as I boasted, “I don’t really look at other women’s vaginas, I only know what’s going on with mine.” In retrospect, I knew it may become part of some canvas, when he touched my sides and I knew I couldn’t turn back. I couldn’t help but realize how true it all became. That’s the thing, it’s nothing more gratifying than having someone praise your vagina because it’s a sense of restored confidence if you’re lacking in some areas.
When we regressed back up the stairs,creeping back up quietly… things were back to where they started. I returned to drinking wine or whatever, smoking, and dancing leisurely around the studio as he uncovered different parts of his work, his life, guiding my hands through the passionate, sometimes simplistic and chilling brush strokes he called art.
after-thoughts on dreams.
Recently i’ve been dreaming of the ocean, of paradise. of diving in, cliff jumping down to different small wave pools… that was before i moved to nyc. then after I finally have moved, i’ve been having a recurring dream of lingering in the ocean, dangling my feet in it, sitting on rocks in the middle of the ocean, when suddenly a gigantic waves starts to form and there’s no escaping. Do you know that thrilling, and frightening, feeling when a large wave forms out of nowhere, when you’re peacefully floating along? you either have to dive under it, or ride it- or stand your ground hoping it’s not stronger than you. and there I was in this surreal dream, just holding on to the rocks for dear life that it doesn’t drown me! I can swim! i love the beach. but it’s something about the water that’s unsettling, mysterious and beautiful… of course, i emailed my dream interpreter and she said that it means to hang tough. that to not be afraid of whatever is coming your way. the rocks represents my stability and my financial stability… it’s interesting how fast life can start to move, people start to get blurry, relationships are funny, and what you once knew as normal is so totally the opposite you just really have to react based on instinct…
the paris wife
somehow, without finding or fixing any words to it, te next part of our story had begun…
It won’t leave your hair dusty or make your roots revert to curls. In fact, dry shampoo might just be the solution for several-day-old hair.
my latest for Essence.com